For ladies who love carpet.

This is either:

a) A truly bizarre ad campaign for home decor.

b) The most effective lesbian personal ad ever.

I know if I were a single gal with carpet in need of attention, I'd feel much more comfortable in the warm, cheerful embrace of a specialist.

Also, notice the website: comebacktocarpet. Thus targeting the generally ignored former lesbian niche market.

Requisite tourist shots

Ireland is, of course, gorgeous. As an American tourist, I am required by the laws of my country to take several shots of sweeping Irish vistas. They won't let me back into the States without them. So here they are.
A word on "old world charm", if I may. 400 year-old buildings are magnificent. They're also musky and damp and smell of mold. I'm just saying...
Rocks. For my mother. She loves rocks. Of all kinds.
Proof that I took these photos.
In Dun Loneghal.

SHIT TO DO BEFORE I DIE #417

417. Have photo taken in bed with porn star.

Check.

SHIT TO DO BEFORE I DIE #172

172. Visit the actual YMCA that inspired the classic Village People song, and was later featured in the Village People musical, "Can't Stop the Music", directed artlessly by Nancy Walker, better known as the Bounty paper towel lady, but who also used to have this wierd thing with Montgomery Clift back in the day, even though he was pretty much gay and probably went to a few YMCAs himself now and then. Check.

Big Basket of Crazy

While in New York, I stumbled across this shopping cart full of someone's madness. It was fantastic. This person is totally prepared to fight off those mind-control devices the government has been planting in our brains.

Seeing Red

I got to see the most badass Redhead in the world, Erica Livingston, while rehearsing "Chung Ling Soo" in NYC. We're real cute, see?

We went to this street fair hosted by a Catholic church, and Erica's daughter won three goldfish, all of which got awesome names, my favorite being "Golda Fishenstein", who if I am not mistaken is a character in "Fiddler on the Roof".

And then they got on the teacups, and some random woman just put her kid in the teacup with them, which we all thought was really funny. Because bad parenting is always funny. Look at Mommie Dearest or Michael Jackson. Funny funny funny. Sad.

But the Livingstons sort of just pretended the other kid wasn't there. Which was awesome.

Worst. Psychic. Ever.

Look, we all know it's just for entertainment purposes, but this chick wasn't even entertaining. Just kinda rude and abrupt and really general and vague, as a child kept vomiting on her.

Awful. Just awful.

I want candy

This is one of those scenarios where it aughta be quality or nothing at all. Who want s cheap-ass candy? Is it like those "Polex" watches you can buy in Chinatown? Can I buy a Kershey bar for 19 cents? And nothing satisfies me like an 11-cent Smickers bar. Five bags of W&Ws for a nickel? If I turn 'em upside down, it's just like the real thing! Only instead of milk chocolate, they're something called "nilk chocolate". Must be French! Sign me up!

Leaving a legacy.

The person they're referring to likely did many things in their life that could have left an impact. For all we know, they were a nun, or a doctor for kids with cancer, or Kelly Ripa's personal shopper. But none of that matters now. The lasting monument to their existence? They were the nameless, genderless, and apparently very small person killed at 46th and Queen's Blvd., while two giants ran in the other direction.

Family Time

Sister Shannon and me on my trip back to Mississippi.

Me, Mama, and Shannon.

Say Uncle

Some super awesome pix of me and my nephew Jack, taken on my trip to Mississippi.